Happy Holidays all

To all of you, no matter what you celebrate, Happy Holidays~ and Happy New Years!

I feel loved

I just want my boy to know that I love him. And I'm so glad that I'm getting so much love from him! That's awesome! I love him so much! YOU ARE MY LOVE

He loves me

Ha! I know he loves me! That's all that matters! I am so happy I could SCREAM!

ME ME ME

This is me
1. FULL NAME: Austen Marie
2. AGE: 21
3. BIRTHDAY: 06/26/1983
4. STAR SIGN: Cancer
5. LOCATION: SF, UT
6. SEXUALITY: I like boys! Yay boys!
7. PHOBIAS: I dislike snakes but I won't die....
8. MEDICAL HISTORY: It's all good
9. SIBLINGS: John (18) and KC (7)
10. PARENTS: Just my dad now cuz my mom is dead

A LITTLE DEEPER...

11. LOCATION OF EDUCATION Holmen High School! Go Vikings. And UVSC
12. DEFINE YOURSELF IN 3 WORDS: Spunky/taken/bubbly
13. WHAT DOES YOUR HOME LOOK LIKE: It's cute, and warm and cozy!
14. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR LINENS/DUVET/BED SHEETS: Green or light blue or pale yellow
15. FAVORITE CHEESE: Yay Cheese!
16. FAVORITE FAST FOOD/TAKE AWAY: Yay BK!
17. FAVORITE SCHOOL SUBJECT: Photography
18. FAVORITE COLOR: Yellow
19. TV SHOW: Simpsons
20. FILM: Big Fish

YOUR APPEARANCE...

21. MOST WORN SCHOOL SHOES: The blue ones, or Boo's shoes
22. SAUCIEST KNICKERS/UNDIES: That is for me to know and you to find out
23. HAVE YOU EVER DYED YOUR HAIR, IF SO, WHAT COLOR: just red highlighs, oh and that one time I had blonde in it....
24. BEST SOCKS: CUTE SOCKS!
25. HEIGHT AND EYE COLOR: 5'3" blue/grey

YOUR SONGS...

26. YOUR TOP 3 ARTISTS: Hot Action Cop/ Ryan Cabrera/ Queen
27. ALBUMS YOU'RE MOST INTO: The mixes my best friend made me
28. SINGER/ARTIST YOU WANT TO MEET MOST: Steven Tyler
29. FAVORITE DIRTY LYRIC(S): "Strokin' "
30. NAME 3 SONGS BEGINNING WITH THE LETTER 'S': Santira, Shut up, Sugar
31. WOULD YOU LIKE TO MARRY: Yes.
32. IF YES, WOULD YOU PROPOSE, OR THEM: He had better do it, I won't
33. SOMEONE EVER WRITE A LOVE LETTER/SONG FOR YOU: Yes
34. HAVE YOU EVER FALLEN IN LOVE: Yes
35. ARE YOU A ROMANTIC: I guess??

YOUR LUST...

36. ARE YOU A VIRGIN: Not for a long time.
37. WHAT IS YOUR TURN ON: um...ask my man!
38. EVER DO NAUGHTY THINGS IN PUBLIC: Yes...
39. WHEN YOU KISS, DO YOU TILT LEFT OR RIGHT: Right
40. DO YOU HAVE A HIGH LIBIDO: Yes, but what is normal?

YOUR FRIENDS...

41. NAME YOUR BEST FRIENDS: Andrea and Sandy
42. DO YOU HAVE A FRIEND YOU HAVENT SEEN IN A WHILE: Don't we all?
43.OUT OF YOUR FRIENDS, WHO IS:
THE JOKER: Melissa
THE DITZY BLONDE: Sandy, No offence hun!
THE OBSESSIVE: um....he's my man so I won't say
THE MOTHER FIGURE: Sandy's mom or Andrea's mom
44. HAVE YOU EVER FANCIED A FRIEND: Yes.
45. WHICH FRIEND(s) HAVE YOU KNOWN THE LONGEST: Andrea

RANDOM QUESTIONS...

46.DO YOU LIKE GREENDAY: Yup
47.DO YOU OWN A HOODIE: Yes and I want to have my man's too!
48.HOW DO YOU KILL A LOBSTER: set it free the poor thing!
49.DO YOU KNOW ANYONE OVER 6ft OR 182.88cm: Yup lots of them
50. HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT PIGEONS: Yay for pigeons...wait...
51.BEST COLOR LIPGLOSS: anything yummy!
52.HAVE YOU STARTED/STOPPED/TRIED SMOKING: Tried *ducks so noone will hit her*
53.HAVE YOU EVER GOTTEN DRUNK AND STRIPPED: Not drunk, stripped yes
54.NAME ONE FRIEND WHO LIVES ABROAD: Lea! I miss you
55. WOULD YOU EVER SMOKE WEED: No
56. YOUR VIEWS ON POLE LICKING: don't do it in the cold, your tounge will get stuck
57. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOURE DRUNK: I don't get drunk, well, unless you count when I'm with my best friend, she has a drunken effect on people
58. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO FOR YOU CAREER: Photographer
59. FAVORITE WORDS: Chahoots
60. WHEN YOU DIE, WILL YOU BE BURIED OR CREMATED: Buried
61. 3 THINGS THAT YOU OWN THAT ARE MULTICOLORED: a shirt, socks and CD's
62.HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SUICIDAL: yes
63.WHAT OR WHO DO YOU REGULARLY DREAM ABOUT: The one I love, or my friends
64.YOUR FAVORITE HOT DRINK: Cocoa
65.FAVORITE BISCUIT/COOKIE: Mmm cookies!
66. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES OR CONTACTS: No
67.NAME ONE SINGLE THAT YOU BOUGHT THAT WENT TO NUMBER ONE: Don't know
68.LUCKY NUMBERS: 7, 21

Thinking

I've been thinking. In fact I can't get him out of my head. He's all I think about...I don't know what to do. I like thinking about him...that makes me happy. I just wish that I knew if he thinks about me as much. I told him how I felt about him, and found out how he feels about me. I know now but I am scared. It's strange to feel this way. But I like it. I like how he makes me feel. There are butterflies inside me and I am so happy. I haven't felt like this for a long time. It's like being on a sugar high that last all day!

Am I crazy? This is so strange. Where is this going? Where is he taking me? I don't know. I want to sit back and enjoy the ride....tell me, is that a good idea?

Written for me

This was written for me by a very special person. I know it won't mean as much to you as it did to me but it made my day! Thank you for your sweetness

So far
the sky is blue
so far
an everlasting blue
so far
the blue that reaches beyond
so far
reaches to you
so far

the sky I see
the sky you see
so close
the blue that reaches beyond
so close
the blue that unites
so close
the blue that floats and supports
so close
the blue sky
so far
so close

He walked in and changed it all

Well there I go again. I've meet a guy. Not just any guy, he's amazing. He always knows what to say and always puts a smile on my face. Can this be happening? Can I be falling this hard this fast? AHHHH! I don't know what to do. It's so confusing. I don't do this. I don't let this happen to me! Someone tell me what I'm doing is crazy...but then again if this is crazy commit me. Nobody has made me has happy as he does! I am in a constant state of happiness when I talk to him. I think about him a lot! It's insane! It's like he walked into my world just to shake it up and show me there is so much for me out there! I'd love to hug him and tell him thanks but I can't. Oh the day I get to will be so nice. I will hug him as long as he'll let me. If I feel this way now, wow is it going to change then! Someone stop the butterflies! I won't say love just yet but I love the way he makes me feel!

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop." -- Henry Mencken

"Love is something far more than desire for sexual intercourse; it is the principal means of escape from the loneliness which afflicts most men and women throughout the greater part of their lives." -- Bertrand Russell

"To write a good love letter, you ought to begin without knowing what you mean to say and to finish without knowing what you have written." -- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Faithless

It's so hard to have faith in anything anymore. Christmas is going to be bunk with out my mom. I hate this. I don't know if I even have feeling anymore. I feel numb. Not just because it's freezing outside but I feel numb inside too. Like there is a big empty hole or void.
Void :Noun 1. a. An empty space. b. A vacuum. 2. An open space or a break in continuity; a gap. 3. A feeling or state of emptiness, loneliness, or loss.

I feel that way. Number three the most I don't know how to feel. I'm sure that's bad and all but this sucks. I want to curl up into a hole and just rot. Hardly anything makes me feel better. I have the overwelming feeling of pain. People always want to say things to make you happy, but lots of the time it only makes it worse. Everything now is so confusing. I'm so lost. So confused. Someone take my hand and show me how to go and where I'm going. Bring light into this dark world. Save me from myself.

Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it." -- W. Somerset Maugham

"Life is like a Ferrari, it goes too fast. But that's ok, because you can't afford it anyway." -- Jim Davis

Only those who are fit to live do not fear to die. And none are fit to die who have shrunk from the joy of life and the duty of life. Both life and death are parts of the same great adventure." -- Theodore Roosevelt

"Many people die with their music still in them. Why is this so? Too often it is because they are always getting ready to live. Before they know it, time runs out."
-- Oliver Wendell Holmes

New Life

So my mother passed away November 21, 2004 at 5:00PM CST. It's so sad. I know she's not suffering but I hate being with out her. There have been so many times I wanted to call her but I know she won't be there. I miss her so much. I didn't know if i should be upset or mad or what.I just can't tell anyone how I feel. I feel like noone understands. I know they try but nothing helps. I just want to scream! I want to curl up in a ball and cry. I want to throw myself into a hole that will consume me.I want my life to be over, there is no life with out her.I feel as if my soul has been ripped out.

If I didn't have Boo I don't know what I'd do. She's been my life line. And planning her wedding makes it better.

I want my life as it is to end. I want to be happy. Is there a way for that to happen? Can I be happy? Why is life so confusing? I have morbid thoughts. I want to die. I want to slit my thin existance from this world.

Thanks for everyone who called and has been there for me....Life sucks and noone loves me...Love suck...you fall and get hurt