One of those days...

It's been one of those days. One where nothing goes right and you need to get a hug from someone that doesn't live in your family! It all just sucked, I don't have enough time to do anything! And naturally Rory's ex was being a bitch! Oh anyways...life is good, we're moving downstairs starting on my birthday. I'm so excited! More space and no child in my bedroom! Hooray! Thanks for letting me vent...this sucks! I don't want to be at work, and I"m suck here until 5am!

I don't miss you...

I don't. I don't miss you anymore. At least I keep telling myself that. I'm not going to break down and call...see if we can work it out. I'm not going to see how you're doing, or what's new. No...I'll leave that to you, you could always find me...if you needed too...or wanted too. I don't miss you anymore...I don't miss the time we spent together or the way you made me laugh. The way you'd do silly things just for me. I don't miss you...

More about me

TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF - The Survey
Name:	Austen Marie Allen
Birthday:	June 26
Birthplace:	Las Vegas
Current Location:	Stuck in a rut in Utah
Eye Color:	Green
Hair Color:	Dark brown, red high lights.
Height:	5'2"
Right or Left Handed:	Right
Your Heritage:	English, Dutch, Welsh
The Shoes You Wore Today:	Flip Flops, Brown, old navy
Your Weakness:	Smooth talkin' guys
Your Fears:	Being comepletely alone, letting my family down, losing my brother
Your Perfect Pizza:	Cheese, lots and lots of cheese!
Goal You Would Like To Achieve This Year:	Move out of this state!
Your Most Overused Phrase On an instant messenger:	LOL
Thoughts First Waking Up:	Morning...what time is it?
Your Best Physical Feature:	My eyes
Your Bedtime:	When I get home from work most of the time
Your Most Missed Memory:	My mom...and when she sang to me
Pepsi or Coke:	PEPSI
McDonalds or Burger King:	BK
Single or Group Dates:	Start group....finish...single
Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea:	Um...no tea thanks
Chocolate or Vanilla:	Vanilla Ice cream, Chocolate everything else
Cappuccino or Coffee:	Coffee
Do you Smoke:	No
Do you Swear:	Yes...that's bad
Do you Sing:	I do in the car and to my family
Do you Shower Daily:	yes, sometimes twice to relax
Have you Been in Love:	Yes
Do you want to go to College:	I have
Do you want to get Married:	I am
Do you belive in yourself:	I do, well most of the time
Do you get Motion Sickness:	Nope
Do you think you are Attractive:	Sometimes
Are you a Health Freak:	Not really
Do you get along with your Parents:	No, my mom is dead, my dad...let's not go there
Do you like Thunderstorms:	Love them
In the past month have you Drank Alcohol:	Nope
In the past month have you Smoked:	Nope
In the past month have you been on Drugs:	Nope
In the past month have you gone on a Date:	Yes
In the past month have you gone to a Mall:	I think so, don't remember
In the past month have you eaten a box of Oreos:	sure! hooray for cookies!
In the past month have you eaten Sushi:	Never, allergic
In the past month have you been on Stage:	yes
In the past month have you been Dumped:	NO WAY
In the past month have you gone Skinny Dipping:	no, to cold
In the past month have you Stolen Anything:	um...no...that's just wrong and not funny
Ever been Drunk:	No...
Ever been called a Tease:	Yes I have...quite a few times
Ever been Beaten up:	Nope
Ever Shoplifted:	Nope
How do you want to Die:	Drowning
What do you want to be when you Grow Up:	To be a chef
What country would you most like to Visit:	Ireland
In a Boy/Girl..
Favourite Eye Color:	Doesnt' matter as long as I get lost in them
Favourite Hair Color:	Again doesn't matter, I just want it to feel good when I put my fingers in it
Short or Long Hair:	If it's taken care of...doesn't mater
Height:	taller then me
Weight:	Why would this matter?
Best Clothing Style:	what he is comfortable in
Number of Drugs I have taken:	0
Number of CDs I own:	quite a few 275?
Number of Piercings:	0
Number of Tattoos:	0
Number of things in my Past I Regret:	0
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!

Crash and Burn

I watched Wedding Crashers tonight, generally good movie. But I saw it with my old friend...and it reminds me of him. and then there is all of the talk of how friendship means nothing and thre is no reason to believe in it. And wow...it reminds me of him. I know he'll never come back...but for a few small moments...all I could think about was him. I'm sure you're all sick of hearing this stuff but yea still broken up inside badly. Sorry for venting.

System has gone on the brink...

I hit that low point today. I miss my friend yes, I keep telling myself it's what's right but I hit that point where you're sitting there eating a TV dinner and you realize...that they don't miss you and that they aren't ever going to try and work it out. That you have a hard time not crying because you feel like a total loser because you don't have any other friends who actually want to hang out because they are too busy and all you want to do is go home and hang out with your friends from high school.

I don't believe in depression so I am sure that's not it. I won't take meds, I've just reached the breaking point here. I want to move back to WI, or out to CA. I just want to leave Utah, this state sucks, everything that has gone wrong in my life has happened in this state! No offence to someone who lives here but I jsut haven't had anything good happen while I was here. I take that back, I did meet Rory, and he loves me and always forgives me but other then that. NOTHING good has come of Utah.

Sorry for venting, I just had so much shit to do at work to night, now I'm like the fucking cleaning crew too. I had to shampoo the entire Responce center room and my bosses office all by myself tonight. Well it's been um...an intresting night. Two 12 hour shifts in a row will take it out of you. Oh well. My schedule is going to be changing and really sucky for a while. Yea...life will go on, I'm sure...

Boo is coming to visit soon...I hope, that's going to be awsome. I had some plans but I'll do some of them differently. Anways, I'm done, I'm good too! I fell much much better. I do, if anyone reads this thanks so much.

Doing better

Well I'm doing much better. Things where rough there for a bit...however they turnned out much better then I could have planned. A quote I always heard was that "Your preformance must be greater then your applause" I can only assume mine was. Anyways, life is good, things are on the up and up at work. Life is great, and getting better all the time. I hope everything will work out and keep goign well

I have...

I have a best freind. Well a few of them actually, but the one I want to talk about spacifically needs to be recognized. It has come to my attention that I am not good enough at pointing out how good he is to me. I have done nothing short of failing to tell him, and as such I have lost him. Where this saddens me it still needs to be said.

I've never managed to be friends with someone after I had dated them, he was insitant upon us staying frinds, it meant more to me that anything in the world. I was shocked that someone who knew me that well could still want to hang out with me. He has always been my sholder to cry on and my crutch to lean on him, I would not be where I am today without him.

Through a lot of hard times he stood by me, made me see that my life wasn't quite as bad as I thought it was. He made the hard days easier with just a phone call. I never thanked him enough for that. It was so comforting knowing that help and a friend was only a phone call away. He stayed with me a lot of nights I was afraid and alone in this world. Alway accepting me for who I was and for my imperfections of which their are many. He stood by me through some hard choices and has seen me when I 'm weak. I hate that he has seen me cry but he's never once looked down on me for it.

My friend has taken me shopping and lent me gas money more times then I could count and is alwasy really understanding of the fact that I'm sturggling. He doesn't hesitate to help me when he can and makes my choices easier. He let's me talk things out and sort them threw. He listens even when I ramble about nothing. And he choses me to listen when he has a problem, that makes me feel so special.

My friend is handsome, smart, kind, fun and all around wonderful. I can't even imagin life with out him. He has opened my eyes to so many things and made me a better person. Sadly because I am and idiot I have lost my best friend. He won't talk to me, he won't see me and he won't give me the chance to make things right. I'm sorry for what I've done, I can't ask to be forgiven anymore. I will always be here for you if you change your mind, you know I love you. You know I'll be there, please...if you see fit to talk to me, do so...I'll be waiting.

~A