I wrote it for him

Laying in the deafening silence
I have sleepless dreams
He bade me not a good nights rest
I shall remain awake it seems

My soul would have him by my side
My words make that not so
I foul things up most everyday
I don't deserve him this I know

He brings me joy and I him pain
My luck has such run out
He may love me as he says
But my mind is filled with doubt

How can he love a beast like me?
When he is such a gentleman
Why does he not see the worst in me?
The sharpness of my pen

The words I say do pierce him so
He thinks himself inadequate
But it is I who've let him down
I've disapointed him inspite of it

The forgiveness of this charming soul
I dare not ask him for
I would have to grovel at his feet
and show it's him I adore

My life would happily be spent
In the service of this man
To show him of my love
And show how sorry I truly am

I plead with you oh night of horror
As bad as it may seem
Let me lay in deafening silence
And dream my sleepless dream

St. Valentines Day

Now I'm sure that you might all think this is going to be some sweet I love you so much and it's so great that it is Valentines day. Well this isn't. I'm going to tell you about the only thing that has ever come good of this stuiped holiday.

The Saint Valentines Day Massacre

Valentines Day 1929. The plan is to lure "Bugs" Moran and his gang into a death trap by setting up a fake liquor transaction. Then pose as police doing a raid...what a perfect plan...and after at S.M.C. company garage the trap was set. However "Bugs" was late and saw the "police men" go into the garage...so he didn't go in. The seven men who were inside where shot and killed by Tommy guns...after being lined up along the wall they were shot at and killed, and even after they had fallen to the ground dead they stood over them and shot them some more...however "Bugs" lived...they never pinned this on Al Capone....

At least one good thing has come from this day...So happy Valentines day everyone...ejnoy it...What a lousy rotten holiday...I hope you all had a better one then me

Today is lonely

Do you ever feel more lonely? Like one day feels like a year of loneliness? I feel that way today. I would like to be in the arms of the one I love. It is the only place I long to be...Someday...I know it will happen someday.

Like anyother day

Today is just like anyother day. I miss my love, I want to be with him and the distance still kills me. Yet I endure on and think about the day when we can be together. So many things will happpen that I want to be with him for. Like Valentines day, and then I missed watching the Super Bowl with him...I wish that wasn't this way...but it is. It makes it hard to look at the good in life...but I know that we will figure it out and will be together one day.

Other then that...I might be getting a job soon. Which I am excited for. I will be happy to get back to work and kind of move on with my life. I will never stop thinking about my mom, or stop missing her. But if I don't move on then I will never be truely happy. She would want it. Daddy called today, it made me wish I lived closer so I could help him. But at the same time I don't know if I can go back into the house right now. Who knows when I'll be able to. It's hard to thinking of looking at the house she decorated and walking past her room knowing she's not there...When I went back for the funeral and I walked in the house I called out to her, to let her know I was there like always...It broke my heart to realize she wasn't there...it hurt me so much. It was like a sharp stabbing pain into my heart. I find the need to call her almost every day...it makes it so hard when I feel like now I need her more then I ever did before.

I love my mom...and I love the man in my life who makes the sun still shine for me. I'm sure there is still a light at the end of the tunnle. I'm sure that all will be as it should be...I know that life moves on...it's just a matter of when...and where it goes