Why?

Why does my world revolve around you? Why does it feel like it stops when you're not here. Why does it seem no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, when you're not around I have no fun? Why do I sit around and just think about the fun times we've had and wish you where here to have more fun with me. Why do I care so much? Why do I want this friendship to last more then anything in the whole world? Why does it hurt so bad that you won't miss me? Why does it hurt so bad that you don't even drop me an e-mail? Why can't I stop crying because you're not here?

I really think at times that I shouldn't care. That it's not worth it, not worth the pain, the sorrow, the agony...But I can't let you go, I know that you won't do some things because of me and that's not good. I feel like such a lousy friend. I want to give you the world. But I don't want you to get hurt. I want you to have everything, but yet, I can give you nothing. I am so sorry...Please...Forgive me...

Cell phones...Airplanes...

I hate that you can't use a cell phone on a plane. I hate even more that when you turn it off, you forget to turn it back on. I don't like that I can't get a hold of you for the longest time, and then when I do, I just get sad because I miss you. I hate that you're gone. I hate that you're going to have fun with out me.

I also hate girls who freak out about dumb comments. I was reading a friends post and someone commented about what he said and it was just dumb. If he'd said it about me I would have been like really happy. *sighs* But then again...He wouldn't say it about me...Still I think she freaked way more then she should have. I mean, it was a a nice thing. I think anyways...Oh well...

*yawns* I'm so tired. I want to go home and sleep. I'll be doing this again tomorrow night...Until 11pm...Then home, and back here on Sunday. Then my schedule gets all wacky because one of the girls here quit. *yawn* Oh my...Even though it's more hours I don't know that I want them...Someone just find me a pillow...

"Stupid Girls" - Pink

Could be a good thing...

Damn Tiffany. Although she saved me from a fate worse then death. I heard some calls while I was there saying hi to everyone...and damn am I glad I'm not going back there. I really am...

Something strange happened the other day. He kissed me. I went to walk away and I'd already said bye and he said..."Hey come back here" so I walked back over and he put his arm around me and pulled me in...one of those "I'm going to kiss you" type pulls and he kissed me...it was amazing. I was so shocked, he could see it in my face. I think he was being smug about it to...but wow...what a kiss!

Anyways, Spin is gone to Vegas without me. I'm sad I'll miss him like hell. I love that boy so much. See you soon...bring me something pretty

AMA

Long Days...Longer nights

I'm just so sick of not getting any sleep. It totally plays with my mind...I don't know what time it is or what I"m doing or supposed to be doing. Makes work hard, I feel like a robot, I say the same thing over and over all day. But it's good money. Yes...good money...I get paid Thursday...I'll buy me something nice.

I just don't know where I want to be. Maybe I should take up drinking...wouldn't that help? That could make my problems go away...

So I've made an evil little plan. I'm going to BEG Jeff for my job back at Dentrix and subject myself to 75 hour work weeks. It will get all the debt paid down in 6 months so that when Rory's GI bill runs out we won't be SOL. That will be nice. I've been struggling with this debt thing for a while so this is really going to help me feel like stuff is going to be ok. I'll be no existant for a while...but at the same time, able to take a fucking chill pill. I've been so stressed...things are finally going to get better...if Jeff will take me back, I throw myself at the pitty of Jeff!

Work was hell in a handbasket today. We where short people becase one of the girls called in sick, then the one who was on call was AWOL. She'd left her cell phone out in the car or something...don't know, but it was a lot of work becuase Dee Dee is training someone new and Rachel had to sit with one of the other girls to help her out. I was so fried at the end of the night I didn't know what to do.

Plus side, Spin bought me dinner at Porter's Place. MMMMMMMM! Buffalo Burger. And I got a cherry drink. It had sprite and cherry in it...and was in a fun cup..which I didn't get to keep...but life goes on.

Things are looking up...Hooray...

"Bad Day" Daniel Powder

And so

So I was looking at some things...can't figure it out. Why am I so sad...when I'm at home, I'm sad...when I'm with him...Sad...but alone, with others, not sad, not sad at work...help me make sence of it...

Someone?

By the way

I have good taste in music, I don't listen to just top 40 hits, and anyone who says otherwise can bite me, just becaues I don't like all the same music that you do doesn't make me bad. I listen to a lot more of your music then you think and bite my tounge and don't say anything! So ha! I say to you again HA! I will not conform and pretend to like all your music...

You know who you are! And yes, I'm talking to both of you!

I do like most of the movies you do on the up side of things! Come hang out with me! Spend some time, I miss you

And now...

Well things have been...well they have been and not bad is at least better then horrible. Things are just kind of floating. I started the new schedule at work, I'll be working afternoon/evening. So I don't have to get up horribly early which is nice, but my schedule clashes with everyone elses which is not.

We got the tent out today and set it up. It's a great tent and I'm excited to go camping. We found a $9 air mat bed (on clearence) at Wal-mart, so that will make it so I can go with out my back hurting. The kids are excited. I haven't been camping here yet so I'm excited for that.

Work is good. I work with pretty cool people. But being sunday...things are slow. So I'm kind of bored. They got a bunch of the work done this morning before I got here so it left us really slow. Only a half hour left today. SO excited to go home.

There is a Russian place to eat here. I'm going to take Rory, he'll love it. He hasn't had Russian food in years. We need a date. He got a new job. He starts Tuesdays working nights. So we'll be on a better schedule.

Hum...nothing much else to say.

I wish I had a good picture, maybe I"ll find one...