D-O-U-B-T

DEFINITION: doubt ( P ) Pronunciation Key (dout)
v. doubt·ed, doubt·ing, doubts
v. tr.
To be undecided or skeptical about: began to doubt some accepted doctrines.
To tend to disbelieve; distrust: doubts politicians when they make sweeping statements.
To regard as unlikely: I doubt that we'll arrive on time.
Archaic. To suspect; fear.

v. intr.
To be undecided or skeptical.

n.
A lack of certainty that often leads to irresolution. See Synonyms at uncertainty.
A lack of trust.
A point about which one is uncertain or skeptical: reassured me by answering my doubts.
The condition of being unsettled or unresolved: an outcome still in doubt.

This word here Seems to explain my every day feeling about my life. I don't believe in anything anymore. I don't know if anything in this world is true. I don't trust anyone. Not even myself. I've become skeptical of everyone and everything. I've become cold, serious...nothing like myself. I feel as if I've been wearlign all these masks and trying to hide behind them all of my life and now...all of a sudden I don't even know who the person looking back at me from the mirror is. It's really strange. I just don't want to be around anymore. I don't want to be alive. I wake up in the morning and just want to stop breathing. I have to remind myself that I'll find something to live for...

The only good news I've heard for a long time is that when I've hit six months at my job (09/15/06)I'll be getting a raise, and apparently it's a good one. I'm not sure how much but it's based on preformance and things like that. So I work my ass off day in and day out...it's hard but it's going to be worth it.