A long day

Today has been long. It's grey outside and looks as if it may rain. Mom has been sleeping again and so there is not much for me to do but sit and wonder how much longer she will have to suffer. It just doesn't seem fair. Death is such a strange thing. You learn so much about the other people it affects and find out that you're not alone in feeling like your whole world is about to collapse. You find out that the world will not end but that it will be much different. I find myself thinking that I will be walking in some darkness for awhile after this is all over. I keep thinking how it's always a bit calm before a storm and with mom sleeping a lot lately I keep thinking that we might just be in for a "storm" here soon. We've gone threw a lot of her things and gotten rid of them and that's hard to do. It seems so permanent.

I've lost most of my appitite and only really want to eat things that are chocolate or otherwise fatting. Then again most of the time I don't want to eat at all. So I guess eating junk food may be better then not eating at all. I don't want to end up depressed but I don't know if that can be avoided.

But who really knows? There is much to do and so little time to do it in. I don't know how it will all get done. So many thing I want to tell people and so many thing I want to do and say. But I don't always have the time...

Do you ever feel like you might be making a big mistake but somehow in the back of your mind you want more then anything to make it?????