well well well

Ok - so things....not bad - not good. Life has moved on in a whirl of color and friendship and things never to be spoke of again. I have the most adorable boy sleeping feet from me on the couch. I don't know what it is that attracts me to him but I just want to snuggle him. At any rate...

I have a job selling ADT security systems on the phone. Not a bad job mind you...they pay me base and then pay me commission on top of that. I make money now - which is really nice. Elizabeth is my boss again - which I can take or leave. I work again with mostly guys which I like more then girls because girls are backstabbing bitches for the most part with a few exceptions all of which I count as my friends. My boss - Curtis...Wow...he's great. He's from Chicago and like a member of the mafia...we tease him all the time. He's a fantastic boss. Enter work party. We had a huge ass party at Snowbird (ok so you don't know what that is but love it anyways) and all the guys wore tuxes and looked OOOOOOOh so handsome and I had a black cocktail dress on and Gina did my hair and wow...oh...Pictures...here we go...anyways - just reporting...

Still here

It's true - I'm still here...but so much has changed - I won't even start. Just know that I am still here and life is good. Tell me...what do you think of the name Devlin for a little boy...

Are we even us anymore?

I can't help but wonder. You don't talk to me. You don't return my calls. Do I even have a best friend at all? Am I just a loner meant to be alone? I'll find out some day if it's been us all along or if it was hopeless. Let me know.

Fort Minor songs that mean a lot to me...

"Believe Me"

[chorus]
I guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now believe me

I don't want to be the one to blame
You like fun and games
Keep playing em
I'm just saying
Think back then
We was like one and the same
On the right track
But I was on the wrong train
Just like that
Now you've got a face to pain
And the devil's got a fresh new place to play
In your brain like a maze you can never escape the rain
Every damn day is the same shade of grey

Hey
I used have a little bit of a plan
Used to
Have a concept of where I stand
But that concept slipped right out of my hands
Now I don't really even know who I am
Yo, what do I have to say
Maybe I should do what I have to do to break free
What ever happens to you, we'll see
But it's not gonna happen with me

[chorus]
I guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now believe me

Back then, I thought you were just like me
Somebody who could see all the pain I see
But you proved to me unintentionally
That you would self-destruct eventually
Now I'm thinking like the mistake I made doesn't hurt
But it's not gonna work
Cause it's really much worse than I thought
I wished you were something that you were not
And now this guilt is really all that I got

You turned your back
And walked away in shame
All you got is a memory of pain
Nothing makes sense so you stare at the ground
I hear your voice in my head when no one else is around
What do I have to say
Maybe I should do what I have to do to break free
What ever happens to you, we'll see
But it's not gonna happen with me

[chorus]
I guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now believe me

[bridge]

[chorus]
I guess
That this is where we've come to
If you don't want to
Then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now believe me

Do what i have to do
You're on your own now believe me

What ever happens to you
You're on your own now believe me

What do I have to say
You're on your own now believe me

It's not gonna happen with me
You're on your own now believe me


"High Road"

Lets go ya'll

These people are running off at the mouth
Tryin to convince me that I'm running on empty
Tryin to convince themselves that the record with Jay was a fluke
That the record that I'm makin is a mistake
and I cant take this
Lemme tell you where I'm at with this
You bastards are gonna have to take back that shit
I'm not plastic and fake
When I make tracks I take facts and lay them out for the masses
You assholes are gonna see soon that I'm not playin
Start askin me the names that I'm not sayin
But I'm tryin to be bigger than the bickerin
bigger than the petty name callin
under the breath talkin
rumors and labels and categorization
I'm like a struggling doctor, No patients
But you can say what you want about me
keep talkin while I'm walkin away

You can say what you have to say
cuz my mind's made up anyway
I'm taking the high road going above you
this is the last time that I'm gonna trust you
You can say what you have to say
cuz my mind's made up anyway
all that bullshit you talk might work a lot
but it's not gonna work today

You people are running off at the mouth
Tryin to make me take myself off safety
Tryin to make my friends turn their backs on the team we built
buildin up some mistaken information
and I cant take this
lemme spell it out plain for you
angry groups complain about the things we do
im not changing direction, I'm stepping my game up
Maintainin my name, the same way I came up
You're gonna see that I'm not playin
start asking the names that I'm not sayin
but im tryin not to mention the names of people who wanna sight and attention
You like the hype but pretendin you're part of the picture wont pass
You're like a high school dropout, no class
You can say what you want about me
keep talkin while i'm walkin away bitch

You can say what you have to say
cuz my mind's made up anyway
I'm taking the high road going above you
this is the last time that I'm gonna trust you
You can say what you have to say
cuz my mind's made up anyway
all that bullshit you talk might work a lot
but it's not gonna work today

Why does it always have to be
Somebody's always watching me
All I really need is some room to breathe
Is anybody out there listening?
Cuz I cant stand to keep this in
All I really want, I'll say it again

You can say what you have to say
cuz my mind's made up anyway
I'm taking the high road going above you
this is the last time that I'm gonna trust you
You can say what you have to say
cuz my mind's made up anyway
all that bullshit you talk might work a lot
but it's not gonna work today

Starting over

So I've made the choice to start my life over. To resolve to be better. To only do things that make me a better person or make the lives of those around me better. I've desided to only take some people with me. Others will have to be written out of my life. I'm sorry, but it has to be done. You'll understand someday. If you don't...well I'm sorry just know it's better to end this way.

I've found myself a bit bothered though because I made one simple request a few months ago of someone and I've found it to not be kept. But such is life as he would say. I have some things to get off my chest as far as he goes. Check your messages I'm sure you're aware if you're not...well now you are.

My best friend says she's coming to visit soon! I'm excited about that. I couldn't be happier, I had once wished to share that with another friend and am slowly coming to the conclution that that's not going to happen. But...that's ok. I get to see the person who means so much to mean and has been there for me through the last 13 going on 14 years. I couldn't be happier!

Starting over

So I've made the choice to start my life over. To resolve to be better. To only do things that make me a better person or make the lives of those around me better. I've desided to only take some people with me. Others will have to be written out of my life. I'm sorry, but it has to be done. You'll understand someday. If you don't...well I'm sorry just know it's better to end this way.

I've found myself a bit bothered though because I made one simple request a few months ago of someone and I've found it to not be kept. But such is life as he would say. I have some things to get off my chest as far as he goes. Check your messages I'm sure you're aware if you're not...well now you are.

My best friend says she's coming to visit soon! I'm excited about that. I couldn't be happier, I had once wished to share that with another friend and am slowly coming to the conclution that that's not going to happen. But...that's ok. I get to see the person who means so much to mean and has been there for me through the last 13 going on 14 years. I couldn't be happier!

Been a while

Ok, I'm not supposed to be on here but I'm trying so hard to stay awake. I don't know what's what anymore. I've been feeling lost. Naturally part of this is from the loss of my best friend. However I manage to live through that day by day. I saw him driving the other day. I was so proud...I didn't burst into tears.

I have come to the sad realization that I don't know that I want to continue an old friendship as it causes me pain everyday. He doesn't give a damn about our friendship anymore so why should I? Tell me really what is the point?

I have made some good girlfriends. I am greatly appreciative for them. They are mostly from my work but that's better then nothing. I try not to hang out with people with whom I work after the latest loss of a friend. I feel strongly it's the best way to get bent over and raped up the ass...

Work is otherwise good. However we've lost quite a few people. That really sucks because we're short handed. I moved to graveyards and that's been ok. I'm glad that I don't have to work in the day. Anyways life is really blah. I am so sorry that I have nothing really intresting. My head hurts, I never get anysleep, I'm going crazy. Anyone going to come along?

One of those days...

It's been one of those days. One where nothing goes right and you need to get a hug from someone that doesn't live in your family! It all just sucked, I don't have enough time to do anything! And naturally Rory's ex was being a bitch! Oh anyways...life is good, we're moving downstairs starting on my birthday. I'm so excited! More space and no child in my bedroom! Hooray! Thanks for letting me vent...this sucks! I don't want to be at work, and I"m suck here until 5am!